Pickup lines are cheesy enough as it is, but combined with ambiguous, aseptic chat rooms, they become near impossible. Welcome to the world of online dating – a no-man’s-land of profiles, avatars, and emails. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Online dating certainly isn’t for everyone, but it is worth a try. Whether you’re 20 or 70, you could potentially find what you are looking for in the maze of profiles and virtual messages of online dating. Just remember, it’s not so much where you look, but how.
Determine What You Want in a Date
Five years ago my life was a flaming plane, spiraling down, headed right for the Sahara. Within a span of a couple of months, my mother had succumbed to breast cancer after a painful four-year battle and my nine-year marriage had collapsed under “irreconcilable differences.” I was not at a good spot. And I had to get out.
That is so not the time to start dating. And I knew that. No dumb blonde here. But I also recognized my Psyche’s call for help. So I milled around for awhile, unsuccessfully I might add, sifting through firemen, the unemployed, and countless singles at my church.
After about a year of looking in all the wrong places, I reassessed my life. What did I want? A date for Friday night? A father to my future children? A taste of adventure? So I inventoried my “perfect” man. Wow. Scary. I won’t shock you with the details, but let’s just say the list was three pages long. It was time to reassess my reassessment.
And that’s when I thought about online dating. I wasn’t ready for a husband. I had just gotten out of a sad excuse for one, and I knew God was still working on me, but I did want to broaden my horizons. Marrying just two years after high school graduation, I was looking at the world through blinders. I had no clue what, or who, was really out there. So I approached the online dating scene with caution, but a definite plan: I wanted to have fun. That’s it. I was looking Mr. Right Now.
Likewise, you need to decide for yourself what you want. If it’s matrimony or mayhem you desire, let that color your profile, picture, and participation. Don’t get hung up on whether or not someone’s going to look at your profile. Don’t worry about how iMlonely might perceive the photo of you skydiving. Don’t waste time trying to tweak the wording of your likes and dislikes hoping to attract the right fish.
Be yourself. Show the world who you are and why you are making yourself so vulnerable. Yes, online dating can be annoying, frightening, and frustrating all in one shot, but it can also be charming, refreshing, and life-changing … if you are true to yourself.
Get to Know Your Date Online First
Save yourself some hassle. Don’t ever agree to a first date, don’t even give out your number, until you’ve actually had a few (sane) exchanges via email or chat rooms. This is not just for obvious safety reasons, but also to weed out the crazies early in the process. While there certainly can be some miscommunication through the voiceless internet, it’s worth the effort to get to know your potential date a bit more before jumping into a relationship or even a first date.
You might even ask for additional pictures, yes, to help validate that they are who they say they are, but also to get a better idea if you will be physically attracted to the individual.
Make the Call
Finally, when you are both ready, it’s time to exchange phone numbers. Don’t just into this too soon, however. First, you must be absolutely comfortable with your potential date. Once I had a terrible time trying to get deter one online date who called me everyday for three months straight, even after I made it more than clear within the first week that I had no interest in him. I contemplated changing my number after he continued to call me every major holiday and his birthday for a year after that, though I never picked up. And finally, I think he got the message.
Stalkers aside, listening to the smooth vibrato or harsh shrill of your potential date’s voice can definitely give you more insight into his or her character. Try to hold more than a five-minute conversation. If you can’t keep up a decent dialogue over the phone, you likely won’t have enough to say to sustain an entire first date.
And call your potential date more than once. The more you can do to get a good feel for your date’s personality, the more likely you’ll be able to reject the misfits, at least those not fit for you.
I learned this the hard way when one of my potential dates was fixated on music concerts for our first entire 20-minute phone conversation. I thought, surely, this guy was nervous, didn’t know what to talk about, or in the very least had more interests than that. Nope. I should have listened better to what he had told me over the phone. Oh, I like music, but I didn’t like hearing about every concert he had ever been to on our first date.
So before you begin any step into online dating you must get your bearings first. Give the relationship some time to develop virtually before jumping head first into the muck. If you are willing to put some effort into it, you’ll get much better results. Once you have spent a decent amount of time getting to know your virtual date, then and only then should you take the next step: the first date.
Lisa Hughes - Lisa Hughes Masters of Arts in Teaching English STAR Discovery Educator Technology Liaison for Appleseed Writing Project
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